Why Won't My Anxiety Go Away??

This post today isn't for the faint of heart. I'm going to answer your question about why your anxiety still hasn't gone away, but prepare yourself to possibly want to throw a hard object at your screen. Or maybe you'll want to tell me to "f off." As someone who suffered off and on with debilitating anxiety most of my life, I can tell you with absolute certainty that part of the reason (maybe all of the reason for some of you) that your anxiety hasn't gone away is because its meant to teach you something that you haven't yet learned.

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I know. I warned you. How dare I claim something so stupid?? Don't I remember how horrible anxiety could be and how people would do almost anything to get rid of it?! I can assure you that I remember all too well how awful anxiety is and how desperate I was to heal it. So, stick with me for a few minutes if you can. What I have to share with you may not be as easy to digest as other "feel-good" posts I write, but it's my number one responsibility to help you heal and, sometimes, that means challenging you.

I can only speak this truth because I lived it over and over again--and I have watched friends, family, and clients live it too. When we find ourselves in deep suffering, most of us are compelled to want to stop the suffering. We see the suffering itself as the problem. With anxiety specifically, it undeniably feels like anxiety is attacking us--that we are the powerless party--and we begin obsessing about how to stop the anxiety. We fall deeper into the story of how "awful" we feel, how desperate we are to stop feeling it, and we begin, with chronic anxiety, to build our entire world around hiding from the anxiety. For me, this meant that my world all but disappeared, as I was confined to my apartment alone, unable to function. Yet, even there, the anxiety ultimately found me. It was like a demon that I needed an exorcism to relinquish. A stalking, abusive, terrifying person that I needed people to protect me from. But, there weren't any priests or pastors who did "anxiety exorcisms." There wasn't anyone who seemed to be able to outsmart the stalking, abusive person constantly threatening my sanity and safety. The despair was overwhelming, all-consuming, and led me into the scariest places of my life. But, then, something occurred to me in that blackness of fear, isolation, and despair.

Anxiety wasn't a demon. It was not a human being. In fact, it had never even caused me any true harm no matter how many scary thoughts or panic attacks had me convinced that I was going to die. Anxiety was actually no more and no less than the monster under my bed late at night--and I was the only one who had the ability and the power to turn on the light and realize that there was, in fact, no monster there. And, with this in mind, it was a deeper lesson and call to action in my life than to merely take control of my anxiety disorders. This was a theme that had perpetually shown up in my life, although it had been unclear to me before. While it wasn't just about learning one lesson--anxiety absolutely became the most extreme form of suffering that I had to face in order to actually face all that I had been running from inside of myself. It was simply the manifestation of a larger problem and my body and mind were literally screaming at me trying to "wake me up" and help instigate real change.

While my story might seem unique, I have seen firsthand that this is true for everyone who suffers with chronic anxiety. There is something calling out for your attention--and it is deeper than just the anxious symptoms you hope to get rid of. It's a symbol, if you're willing to let it be, of a cry from your soul to choose a different path, to let go of something or someone, to find the courage to be honest about yourself, to put a voice to your silenced pain---or a million other things. I can't know your exact situations unless we work together, but I urge you to consider all of the pieces of yourself that you have denied, hidden from, or considered the "demon." I urge you to give it real consideration that, if you have changed your diet, lifestyle, incorporated relaxation and meditation, done everything you can to retrain your brain, and all other proven techniques to overcome anxiety, it truly might be that the anxiety is still prominent because it's a call to action that you have yet to take. And, I can only hope that some day, you can look back on this time in your life and realize, that unlike anxiety even being a monster under your bed, it was a guiding light moving you toward your greatest self and greatest life. For, what we resist, persists. Your entire life will burst open and break forth before you the moment you choose to stop resisting the anxious symptoms, trust in their message to you, and shift your energy from fighting the anxiety to fighting for your deepest truths and needs. This is my promise to you.

Be blessed.
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